{"items":["5df1016a957d860017645c59","5df0fe09e0375c00176671c5","5df0fe09d70ac60017fa02e9"],"styles":{"galleryType":"Columns","groupSize":1,"showArrows":true,"cubeImages":true,"cubeType":"max","cubeRatio":1.7777777777777777,"isVertical":true,"gallerySize":30,"collageAmount":0,"collageDensity":0,"groupTypes":"1","oneRow":false,"imageMargin":5,"galleryMargin":0,"scatter":0,"rotatingScatter":"","chooseBestGroup":true,"smartCrop":false,"hasThumbnails":false,"enableScroll":true,"isGrid":true,"isSlider":false,"isColumns":false,"isSlideshow":false,"cropOnlyFill":false,"fixedColumns":0,"enableInfiniteScroll":true,"isRTL":false,"minItemSize":50,"rotatingGroupTypes":"","rotatingCropRatios":"","columnWidths":"","gallerySliderImageRatio":1.7777777777777777,"numberOfImagesPerRow":3,"numberOfImagesPerCol":1,"groupsPerStrip":0,"borderRadius":0,"boxShadow":0,"gridStyle":0,"mobilePanorama":false,"placeGroupsLtr":false,"viewMode":"preview","thumbnailSpacings":4,"galleryThumbnailsAlignment":"bottom","isMasonry":false,"isAutoSlideshow":false,"slideshowLoop":false,"autoSlideshowInterval":4,"bottomInfoHeight":0,"titlePlacement":["SHOW_ON_THE_RIGHT","SHOW_BELOW"],"galleryTextAlign":"center","scrollSnap":false,"itemClick":"nothing","fullscreen":true,"videoPlay":"hover","scrollAnimation":"NO_EFFECT","slideAnimation":"SCROLL","scrollDirection":0,"scrollDuration":400,"overlayAnimation":"FADE_IN","arrowsPosition":0,"arrowsSize":23,"watermarkOpacity":40,"watermarkSize":40,"useWatermark":true,"watermarkDock":{"top":"auto","left":"auto","right":0,"bottom":0,"transform":"translate3d(0,0,0)"},"loadMoreAmount":"all","defaultShowInfoExpand":1,"allowLinkExpand":true,"expandInfoPosition":0,"allowFullscreenExpand":true,"fullscreenLoop":false,"galleryAlignExpand":"left","addToCartBorderWidth":1,"addToCartButtonText":"","slideshowInfoSize":200,"playButtonForAutoSlideShow":false,"allowSlideshowCounter":false,"hoveringBehaviour":"NEVER_SHOW","thumbnailSize":120,"magicLayoutSeed":1,"imageHoverAnimation":"NO_EFFECT","imagePlacementAnimation":"NO_EFFECT","calculateTextBoxWidthMode":"PERCENT","textBoxHeight":26,"textBoxWidth":200,"textBoxWidthPercent":65,"textImageSpace":10,"textBoxBorderRadius":0,"textBoxBorderWidth":0,"loadMoreButtonText":"","loadMoreButtonBorderWidth":1,"loadMoreButtonBorderRadius":0,"imageInfoType":"ATTACHED_BACKGROUND","itemBorderWidth":0,"itemBorderRadius":0,"itemEnableShadow":false,"itemShadowBlur":20,"itemShadowDirection":135,"itemShadowSize":10,"imageLoadingMode":"BLUR","expandAnimation":"NO_EFFECT","imageQuality":90,"usmToggle":false,"usm_a":0,"usm_r":0,"usm_t":0,"videoSound":false,"videoSpeed":"1","videoLoop":true,"jsonStyleParams":"","gallerySizeType":"px","gallerySizePx":1000,"allowTitle":true,"allowContextMenu":true,"textsHorizontalPadding":-30,"itemBorderColor":{"themeName":"color_12","value":"rgba(89,88,88,0)"},"showVideoPlayButton":true,"galleryLayout":2,"calculateTextBoxHeightMode":"MANUAL","targetItemSize":1000,"selectedLayout":"2|bottom|1|max|true|0|true","layoutsVersion":2,"selectedLayoutV2":2,"isSlideshowFont":true,"externalInfoHeight":26,"externalInfoWidth":0.65},"container":{"width":300,"galleryWidth":305,"galleryHeight":0,"scrollBase":0,"height":null}}
I said introvert, not social outcast

I got it again yesterday, I get it all the time, "You don't seem like an introvert." It occurs to me that I always get this after I have spent some time having a pleasant, engaging... "normal" conversation with someone. You can almost hear them thinking, "Oh, you seem normal."
I said introvert, not awkward human being.
One, it helps to know that introvert means different things to different introverts. For me, it means I can talk to people, I can, and often do, lead a room, command attention, I am often the center of attention. Heck, I even do crazy things like volunteer to run at the local chapter of the MGMA, go to Chamber events, and do volunteer work. And I get a lot of positive feedback about those things and who I am at those events.
I think it interesting that most people, most extroverts want to try and help "fix" me, bring me out of my shell. Its not a shell, its... me. I am not broke, I am different. Know, no matter how often you tell me how good I am at it, it just does not come naturally to me, it tough for me, and most of the time I really do not like it. What being an introvert also means to me is those things make me far more nervous than they do some people.
But I know there is a time and a place for these things so I do them. Think of it like exercising or eating right. A lot of people know they should, they often do, but they don't often "like" doing it.
The world wants extroverts, they like them, and I am a man of above average intelligence so I dress and talk the part. But for me it is a constant struggle to stay engage with humans I do not know and admire. Days full of strangers leave me tired and drained.
By the way, when I let you know that I am an introvert it is not a game, not me playing coy, not me looking for compliments, its me being honest. It is also me trying to have a real conversation. For me, my form of introversion come from the fact that I can't stand shallow conversation. I actually love talking to people to which I can make a genuine connection. Shallow conversation leaves me tired and bored and looking for a way out.
As I said in my recent blog about leaving my "private" facebook page behind, I would much rather fully engage with a few people than "talk" to hundreds. Real conversation, real connections, energize me and usually I can't shut up. I think mostly because I stay bottled up, the real me anyway, until those moments come along.
None of this is to say I do not like people, places, things. I do, just not like an extrovert probably does. It does not mean I want to be held up in my apartment all the time. Heck I usually can't stand being alone for more than about half a day. It does mean that, for the life of me, I just do not have any clue how to start a random conversation with a stranger.
I can hear you! and I get it! I have to connect on a shallow level to find out more about someone to begin to connect with them. I know, which is why I try. But it is like lifting a really really heavy weight for me and not something I can often bring myself to do.
By the way for some of us introverts it really helps if you start the conversation. 😊